Your Relationship Success Is Your Responsibility

I have some great relationship advice to share. I wish I followed it more than I have. I wish I listened more than I spoke. As I grow older, I am listening more than I used to as a child and as a young adult. It is possible to think while listening. I can’t think and speak at the same time.

The next important advice is perspective-taking. Wikipedia defines the concept as the act of perceiving a situation or understanding a concept from an alternative point of view, such as that of another individual. A vast amount of scientific literature suggests that perspective-taking is crucial to human development and that it may lead to a variety of beneficial outcomes.

Throughout my entire adult life, I have worked specifically on this concept without knowing the term or its definition. I would think about the individual and try to see the situation through their eyes. That meant I had to think about their life, figure out what was important to them, take their experiences into consideration, and do my best to put me in their shoes. Also, if their response to me was out of character and I had done nothing that would cause this, I would ask them how their day was going. Many times, they just came from a distressful experience, and it was directly affecting how they were behaving towards me.

Along with the concept of perspective-taking, I forced myself to remember that mostly when people seemed to be angry with me, or inconsiderate to my feelings, they were actually angry at themselves or someone else. I just was there at the wrong time. Most people are not hurtful on purpose. They act that way because someone else had been hurtful to them and they are still dealing with it. I tell myself the problem is theirs, not mine. If I did nothing wrong or if I didn’t deserve this poor treatment, then they are having a bad day and I should give them more grace at that moment.

This all sounds good and important. However, at the moment, it is very difficult to put any of it into practice. I have to take more time in thinking about this and tell myself that I will practice with Keith. He, above all other people, deserves this type of treatment, consideration, and offering him grace–even just within my mind and heart.

Having said all of this, I still am severely lacking in my ability to be successful in practicing any of these great ideas. I still aspire to them and am slightly successful from time to time. So I look inward and realize I, too, need an amount to grace for myself.