Keith, What About Being a Child Do You Miss the Most?

Approaching adolescence, I found adults liked to ask, “Bet you’re looking forward to becoming a teenager.” Or some such nonsense. “Think driving, high school, independence, girls, blah, blah, blah.” Actually, it all seems fuzzy. Then the question, “What age would you like to be?”

My reply did not go over well, and people looked at me oddly and quizzically before asking the always inquisitive question… what. Why?

Best I could do in response to the what-why question was shrug my shoulders. I didn’t know if I knew why. Looking back, I did not know why! Just saw no reason to age: preadolescence, adolescence, adulthood, old age, eventually death.

So, what about being a child do I miss the most? Being left alone, solitude. Or is that just a lie I tell myself?

Today, as I sit at my desk, my stomach feels tight, my throat constricted, because whatever the reason, it’s not gonna change now.

The house is quiet, the AC running, synapses searching for a memory, a reason beyond reach. A ratiocination scuttles through the gray matter. It’s right there in plain sight.

Life Under the Bleachers